But God is not a "rabbit's foot", to be pulled out of our pockets and rubbed when we are desperate for a "change of luck". God is not someone we can will to power, no matter how "good" a person we are, no matter how "good" the person is whom we love and care about. He will not be manipulated, no matter how "righteous" our cause.
God is sovereign. His purposes are both eternal and mysterious. Of course we like it when His actions either spare us or bring about something that is seemingly advantageous to us, or something we had been asking for. But the opposite seems to be something we don't want to think about, as we can get upset, sad, or perhaps even "lose" our faith when God lets us down, especially when life or love is on the line.
And we come to a fork in the road. We are standing here at a crossroads.
While I was going through email and just enjoying a morning off from my German class, I had iTunes playing. Thoughts and prayers were in and out of my mind. And then It Is Well With My Soul was in the background, the foreground, both convicting me and uplifting me. Even now tears burn, my breath sometimes convulsing from random sobs as I feel the Spirit of the Living God leading me, inviting me, calling me to choose this day faith and life.
I don't smile. I don't break into songs of praise and joy. I weep. My eyesight is fuzzy from more tears. And yet, I choose faith and life. I hear the words, and I know them. I know they can be, are even meant to be sung with tears in one's eyes. These words allow for their interruption from sobs so deep only the Spirit knows how deep their pain and disappointment run.
And yet, these words carry a message. They aren't magic in and of themselves. But they are messengers of a sort. They carry a message from the God who has not forgotten Emily, her parents, or our prayers.
I don't know what God is doing or going to do. I still pray for a miracle. But I still cry and cry out. It hurts me to know that family members hurt even more deeply than I do. It hurts me because I cannot do anything to change this situation or bring about a miracle.
But I can pray. And I pray and sing these words as I walk the path of faith and life with my Savior ...
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
when sorrows like sea billows roll;
whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul.
Refrain: It is well with my soul, it is well,
it is well with my soul.
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
let this blest assurance control,
that Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
and hath shed his own blood for my soul.
(Refrain)
My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
(Refrain)
And, Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
the clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
the trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
even so, it is well with my soul.
(Refrain)
