my depression(s)

I like to look around at other blogs, to see (and read) what other bloggers are thinking about, consumed by, or sharing from the heart. Some are obviously interesting, while others are ... 'nuff said.

One such blogger had an entry that has caused some extra percolation in my heart/mind/soul that is me. The Real Live Preacher (www.reallivepreacher.com) had this entry concerning an article he read in the Christian Century by a fellow who talked about depression as 'brainstorming'. I've not read the original article because I wanted to consider this notion before I delved into someone else's ideas and opinions. But I have to say that this idea is fascinating, and in some ways, very encouraging.

I say that because I'm someone who struggles with what most people would probably consider as melancholy, or a mild form of depression. Now, I've not been clinically diagnosed, and I write this full-knowing that some who do struggle with this might possibly take offense at someone "using" the label. Not my point; not my intent. In reality, I probably struggle with the seasonal depression stuff, as well as with melacholy brought on by a nagging sense of fear/anxiety and lack of self-confidence mixed in with a ridiculous desire/need to be or do something really important in my short life. There it is. It's out there for all the world to know, see, read, and make fun of. May God love you and bump you if this describes you. Honestly, I'm enough in touch with my emotions/feelings/thoughts to not really care - does that mean I have self-confidence?

Back to my point - I read this blog by Real Live Preacher where the article described depression as 'brainstorming', and I think this is very intriguiging. Just off the cuff, I think there could be some serious merit to this idea. I mean, personally speaking, there have certainly been times where it is out of the depths of my sense of depression that I'm able to write some really good papers, or have some deeper insights. At the same time, there are dynamics to my depression that I don't like. I don't like the false messages that it feeds into my brain, my sense of self, that is so shattered. Perhaps depression is less 'brainstorming', and just a fight between the 'Me' who really is, and the 'Me' who really isn't? Perhaps depression is the deepest yearning within my soul for the new heaven and the new earth that I read about in Revelation, but struggle to see around me due to all of the sin that is meted out by so many.

In the mean while, I'm going to try and brain storm for a while. Please jot a message, and let me know what you think about this.

Faith - iv - the need for 'Dialectical' faith in Christ

To this point we have considered two different expressions of faith, the 'intellectual' and the 'experiential'. And we showed how in fact they were both extremes of true faith. The 'intellectual' approach tends to feed into a salvation by knowledge, and an emphasis of doctrine overagainst holistic faith. At the other end, the 'experiential' approach tends to subjegate all things to one's feelings, ultimately making God beholden to the believer. Both of these extremes are both unsatisfying and unacceptable.

After critiquing these two oft practiced forms of faith in Christ, we are left with the question of 'how do we believe?', or, 'what does true faith look like?' In fact, we might be tempted at this point to seek out some 'tertium quid'; one that provides with an out, an answer to avoiding these 'faith' extremes. Rather, the answer, I submit, comes to us in the form of 'dialectical' faith in Christ.

It is in their practice as extremes that each becomes problematic. However, as humans, we have a natural proclivity toward extremes. Therefore, we must recognize the valid role that both the 'intellectual' and the 'experiential' plays in faith development and formation. In grasping this truth, we recognize that true faith, then, is a dialectical tension. Each is held in equal tension with the other, refusing to allow the other to master the other; each refusing to give way to the other. This 'dialectical' faith in Christ recognizes that first of all, faith is first and foremost a gift from God. We believe in Jesus Christ as the Son of God because He was first revealed to us through the Scriptures by the Holy Spirit as sent by the Father. The undergirding of this 'dialectical' faith in Christ, therefore, also informs us that faith is a trinitarian event, the activity of the Triune God of grace - faith is not under our subjective control (i.e., 'experiential' faith), nor is it merely something I gain for myself through rigorous study (i.e., 'intellectual' faith); and yet at the same time, I must acquiesce on some level and therefore know who God is, and I am invited to participate in it, experience who God is.

The 'dialectical' faith in Christ, then, holds the ontic (being) and the noetic (knowing) in beautiful tension, one that is uncomfortable at times, but also reminds us that faith is not our creation, not at our command. True faith in Christ is His gift to us that we may believe and enter into everlasting relationship (covenant) with the God who saves.

making me feel 'old'

There's nothing like your oldest child turning ten to make you suddenly feel really 'old'!

While she "turned" ten on Thursday, last night was our daughter's birthday/slumber party with ten friends and her younger sister. This was very chaotic at times, certainly noisy, and all-around very fun for these girls - most of whom were experiencing their first sleep-over with non-family. My son and I rented and watched a DVD of 'A Pup Called Scooby-Doo' in order to keep his curiousity out of the mix.

In any event, it strikes me that while I am only a few pounds more than when she was born, my hair up top is a bit thinner, and much to my wife's delight, every day seems to bring more and more gray to my attention - which I am quick to tell my kids is a result of their sometimes fractitious behavior toward one another. It makes me wonder how my parents must have felt - still feel - as they saw me growing up. It is a strange thing, watching your kids grow up; but it is so worth it!!!

Faith - iii - the 'Experiential' approach

Today we want to consider that which is the other side, the other extreme of faith. Originally, experience, to put it simplistically, was the hallmark of Liberal Protestant Christianity and theology. It was seen as the means of understanding Christianity's relevancy in a 'modern' world where miracles and the supernatural were rejected outright as violations of the closed system of nature and rationale thought. If the very and most mysterious tenets of the faith were to be discarded, experience became the very essence of faith in Jesus Christ.

In our own modern/post-modern world, experience does not necessarily mean the same thing, or function for the individual believer in the same manner. No, instead, experience has to do with transcending the transcendent - that is, it is a manner of "feeling" something in the midst of worship, prayer, or anything else that can come under the label of "Christian". Today experience is an important hallmark for many self-proclaimed 'emergent' churches and Christians, as a subtle (or not so subtle) way of diminishing the importance of doctrine, while at the same time, supposedly uplifting the centrality of the dynamic of relationship between humanity and God.And this is the very problem of this second extreme. It is enslaved to a set sense of feelings; and it holds true faith captive to the expectation of those feelings being continually experienced in an ongoing manner. For those feelings not to be experienced, whether in the context of worship or any other "Christian" activity, is to invalidate the power or validity of an event which in truth is subject purely to God's sovereign act.

This approach to faith, too, sets up a false dichotomy that pits the intellect against experience. This particular extreme puts God as the object of our determinations, and the individual as the subject who determines what is real, what is valid via their own 'experience'. Humanity becomes the real authority on what is real. Individuals become the arbiter of truth as it transcends their emotions and feelings. This becomes. then, an Ebionitic Christ, being driven by the flesh, rather than the Spirit of God. Experience, a repetition of these all-important "religious" feelings, becomes the god that is worshipped, not the Triune God of grace, revealed in Jesus Christ. Our faith must be rooted in trusting in the both the veracity of Scripture's testimony of who Jesus is, and what He has done, and that He is as good as the Scriptures tell us He is (that is, the love of God in Jesus Christ for humanity). Only a faith that transcends any "feelings" is a faith that is in Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord.

Faith - ii - the 'Intellectual' appraoch

This entry will focus on the first of our "extreme" forms of faith, namely, the 'intellectual' approach to faith. Simply put, there is an overemphasis on that angle on our faith in which our faith is guaged by what, or how much, we "know". Too much weight is given to orthodoxy. Pure, correct doctrine is the goal, and any one who lines up properly to all the correct doctrinal categories is viewed as a true believer.The overarching problem is that is part of a false dichotomy (more on the other part in the next entry).

It is deceptive in that the pursuit of the 'intellectual' can turn Christianity away from a relationship with the Almighty Triune God of grace, and into an exercise of the mind. It tends to be the problem of the conservative branch of the Church, and looks down on those who don't emphasize this same knowledge of God and of Scripture. The 'intellectual' faith seems to be more concerned with the ins and outs of theology than making sure that good theology is being lived out in every area of the believer's life. This intellectualism turns the faith into a set of propositions to be agreed upon. The 'living' out of one's faith is either assumed, or just plain ignored.

In the end, this approach can lead to a docetic Christianity, where our salvation seems determined by how much we understand of the Gospel. In order to combat this extreme, we must realize that our faith is not just about saving the mind, but the whole person. Through a relationship with the LORD we are saved, by grace, so that we may not be able to boast. Our salvation is for our bodies, our minds, and our spirits. Our salvation is alot more than just mere intellectual assent.

Faith - i - a short intro

Christians, whether we realize it or not, have a tendency toward extremes. And why not? We are human, in spite of accusations to the contrary by our detractors. We are human, and simply put, we like black and white categories.

So it is with faith. We see these two extremes most easily identified as the 'intellectual', or the 'experiential'. I'd like to address these extremes from the perspective that they are not at all what we should strive for, let alone recognize as true faith. In the following three short (I hope) essays, I will share what I think is a biblically recognizable understanding of what faith really is, and why each of these extremes does not fit the definition of true faith. You of course, are welcome (AND ENCOURAGED) to share your thoughts.

May God bless us all on this leg of our journey!

where has the time gone?

The last several weeks have been filled with an incredible amount of reading and writing, culminating in the completion of a 5 week Wednesday night course I taught at Narberth Pres. on The historical development of Christology called 'Who Do You Say I am?'; a ten-page paper critiquing Walter Brueggemann's use of 'Counter-Testimony' in his Theology of the Old Testament; a thirty-eight and one-half page exegetical analysis of Matthew 16:13-20; and just off the presses and turned in today, a fifteen page overview of Karl Barth's Christology, or his Christocentric approach to theology. And now I wonder, where has the time gone?

To say the least, my brain is feeling somewhat mushy, and it is my deepest hope that I actually may remember much of what I've learned. But one of the things I did learn this past April is that after four years part-time and one full year of studies, I am poised to finish my Masters in Theological Studies in Contemporary Theology at the end of the 07 Fall semester. All I have before me is Biblical Hebrew (this Summer), and in the Fall, writing two theses. I'm very excited, but also quite nervous, I don't mind admitting. Not only do I need to consider what I will be writing my theses on - and who will be my readers - but I must also start looking at and considering doctoral programs, as well as prep for GREs in the Fall. And again, I wonder, where has the time gone?

I hope you're still visiting, dear reader, dear friend. I'm sorry that I've not "written" in so long, at least in this context. But I hope that you are experiencing the fullness of God, and living out His holy and perfect will. Drop me a line, and let me know how you are doing.

God bless!