the Mall and Depression

I just got back from a trip to a local mall. It just so happens my mom works at a store in said mall, so the main point of my venture was to take my three kinderin for lunch with their grandmother before school starts (school doesn't start in our area until after Labor Day). All that's to say that we went and had lunch at the mall. Since we were going to said mall, my wife asked me to take some time after lunch to go and look for nice back-to-school outfits for all three, plus a new pair of mocs for one of our kids.

All in all, mission accomplished; sort of. Was able to find a nice shirt and pants for the son. Wasn't able to find any outfits for the girls that we could agree on, but told them we'd find them something at another time. Was able to get both of them new sneakers/mocs, which they seemed pleased with.

Yet, as we left, I found myself feeling really down, feeling almost unsettled. As I drove home I realized that it was a strong sense of materialism that had been set off. And I didn't like it; it made me upset that I was feeling such a strong need to want to go out and buy clothes and stuff I totally didn't need. After getting home, I called my wife to let her know what we did and what we didn't get. I also relayed to her my feelings. She framed my feelings well. Her wisdom was this: "you've been subjected to 37 plus years of extreme marketing which has only been reinforced by a very materialistic mother. You're a red-blooded American living in a materialistic American culture."

I am in complete agreement with her. But I still feel down about the whole thing. Ultimately, these feelings speak to something deeper, something more organic to my very core. The feelings speak to that God-shaped hole in my heart that Augustine spoke about. My feelings today were so strong because I think that God-shaped hole has not been filled with God. The lack of contentment, I believe, comes from not spending enough time with the One who created me. With that relationship needing time and energy, it's caused an imbalance that the old, sinful man-me wants to try and fill with material.

Only God can fill that God-shaped hole. Only God can satisfy. Only the One who created each and every one of us knows what will ful-fill our souls - and the answer is...envelope please... God Himself!!! So rather than go and watch TV or spend much more time blogging/online/sending email, I'm going to go and excercise and spend time talking with God about that hole that needs to be filled by HIM who lasts forever.

How about you?

more thoughts about God and keeping up with friends

Got back late Sunday night from a whirl-wind trip to San Diego, CA (my first time there) for a friend's wedding. While there, I was able to re-connect with several "old" friends for the first time in years. It was a real blessing to be present, to be a witness of the newly wedded couple's nuptual's. I was really encouraged in seeing where a number of these friends are in their relationship with God. One of the things I found consistent among those who were Christians was the reality of God's faithfulness to each and every one of them. In listening to their stories and hearing about their lives, it was easy to see God's hand at work in each of their lives. I found it personally encouraging to my own faith journey as they shared what God had been doing in each of their lives. It reminded me of the many things that He has done/ is doing in my life and the life of my family. This is just one of the great and important things that friendships serve - reflecting back to us God's glory that is at work within us as we surrender to Him and walk with Him. Though we're all no longer a part of the same faith community, we do share in being a part of the larger community of the big "C" Church, and therefore, we will always be a part of the same community of faith, the Church. It is encouraging to know that we are connected to one another by God, through God, for God. And I praise HIM for these old friends.

God and keeping up with friends

So last night gave me the opportunity to IM with a good friend that I've not seen in quite a while. But he's very good at IMing me whenever he sees me online, and always uses the opportunity to keep up with me.

So this brings up a good point: what does God call us to when we enter into a friendship? And is there a difference between friendships with fellow believers versus non-believers? What does it mean to keep up with your friends? As a Christian, what does it mean to be a friend?

Weigh in with your thoughts...

Success & Failure in the Kingdom of God

About seven years ago I was on a youth minister's retreat that I have little recollection of other than one topic that was talked about: looking for effectiveness over success. Ever since then, I've been keen on redefining the matrix through which I thought about let alone evaluated how I was doing in ministry. I'm all for accountability, but I think that the Church has adopted worldly standards for deciding what's working and what isn't, and this has knocked us off course at times, and hurt a great many people.

As I read through the Gospels, I find Jesus who almost encourages us against worldly standards of success, "not for the sake of failing, but because there wasn't anything to win in the first place" (to quote Donald Miller). Instead, a great many churches, a great many pastors, and too many youth pastors are caught up the game of constant competition. What is for our culture one of its great strengths has become for the Church a great weakness. We want to win. We want to have the biggest congregations, the best attended Bible studies, the largest youth groups. But for what?

It seems to me that many of us are so enamored by worldly success, that we don't even see it in the Church. Instead, we have allowed it to taint our understanding of body life. We have traded true grace for a cheap imitation that shows its dross anytime someone (or some ministry) doesn't meet "corporate" performance expectations. We have chosen to accept "success" and fearfully look out for "failure" all at the expense of what is by far more important, faithfulness and calling.

To that end, I would submit that because of this, there are many "ministries" that have attracted lots of people, but are not necessarily accomplishing much for the kingdom. Now, I don't have an axe to grind in writing all of this. Instead, I think most Western (e.g., American) churches suffer from this. We need to understand that the economy of the Kingdom operates by different rules. We are to be patient, not afraid of time, investing ourselves in people, both individually and family (or community), trusting God to multiply our ministry and outreach in ways that will far outpace a corporate American solution to the challenges of ministry because we are merely seeking to be faithful and obedient to Him who called us in the first place. In keeping faithfulness and calling at the forefront of evaluating ministry, we allow for God to show us our "successes" and where we are "failing".

The way the world judges such things is always to say that they are looking for a clear winner. This is not God's ways - for in the Kingdom, all of God's people are winners. He's looking for faithful people, not successful.

What do you think?

Ch-ch-changes

This Summer has brought about some pretty extensive and impacting changes in my life – almost as big as when I first became a dad for the first time (and the second and the third, for that matter). That David Bowie song seems to be my new theme. Today, August 1st, marked an end and a beginning, as I began my new life apart from working in and for the church. I am no longer David Feiser, youth pastor, director of NPC’s ministry to youth and their families. But I am still David Feiser, husband, dad, follower of Christ, friend, son, brother, cousin, uncle, and witty person (okay, that last one may be up for debate).

I’ve had some mixed feelings about this change. It was almost two months ago that I was encouraged to take this step and follow what many of us considered to be the Lord’s leading (though we weren’t in agreement on His timing). I’ve both looked forward to today, and also dreaded it. What I’ve discovered is that there’s no “right” way to feel about it. Many of my students weren’t happy with the news, and were savvy enough to know that there was more to the story than just what they were told. But they were good sports, very supportive, and I hope they will continue to grow in their faith and not abandon Christ because of self-righteous folk who chose to operate behind the scenes (what does 1 John have to say about people who like darkness? – what???).

So this day came, and here I am, reclining on my living room sofa, my headphones linked to my lap top, listening to the Narnia movie soundtrack, punching out this blog entry, contemplating what God has in store for me. Here’s what I understand (or at least think I do): I’ve got the entire month of August as something of a paid vacation; I’m going to be a full-time student, starting in September; God is leading me and my family on this new road that is part of our journey of faith.

While I’m sad about leaving youth ministry, I’m excited about this new opportunity. I’m excited about what is out there. I’m imagining that there are many more changes coming. I’m not sure I want to know about some of them. I’m hoping that most of them are good, positive, and healthy for all of my family. I’m hoping that my faith in Jesus Christ will meet each of them, good or bad, and be able to use them all to grow me closer to God and closer to the image of Jesus. I’m hoping that through this change – all the changes – that I will become more faithful and faith-filled, trusting God with more and more of my life and family. This being the first day of the rest of my life, I’m not sure what to make of it. The only thing that has changed is my employment. I’m still a Christian. I still have the same friends at church, in my neighborhood, from my social circles, and my family, both immediate and extended. I’m still about 25 lb.s over-weight, a bit out of shape, but ruggedly handsome.

Someone once said, “the more things change, the more they stay the same.” I don’t know how true that is, but overall, as I move into full-time student-hood, most of my life is still the same. My future is as open-ended as ever, I just feel it a bit more acutely than I did a couple of months ago. God is still watching over me, walking with me, and leading me. I am in awe, for in spite of such changes, God is with, unchanging, and I am at peace.