the Mall and Depression

I just got back from a trip to a local mall. It just so happens my mom works at a store in said mall, so the main point of my venture was to take my three kinderin for lunch with their grandmother before school starts (school doesn't start in our area until after Labor Day). All that's to say that we went and had lunch at the mall. Since we were going to said mall, my wife asked me to take some time after lunch to go and look for nice back-to-school outfits for all three, plus a new pair of mocs for one of our kids.

All in all, mission accomplished; sort of. Was able to find a nice shirt and pants for the son. Wasn't able to find any outfits for the girls that we could agree on, but told them we'd find them something at another time. Was able to get both of them new sneakers/mocs, which they seemed pleased with.

Yet, as we left, I found myself feeling really down, feeling almost unsettled. As I drove home I realized that it was a strong sense of materialism that had been set off. And I didn't like it; it made me upset that I was feeling such a strong need to want to go out and buy clothes and stuff I totally didn't need. After getting home, I called my wife to let her know what we did and what we didn't get. I also relayed to her my feelings. She framed my feelings well. Her wisdom was this: "you've been subjected to 37 plus years of extreme marketing which has only been reinforced by a very materialistic mother. You're a red-blooded American living in a materialistic American culture."

I am in complete agreement with her. But I still feel down about the whole thing. Ultimately, these feelings speak to something deeper, something more organic to my very core. The feelings speak to that God-shaped hole in my heart that Augustine spoke about. My feelings today were so strong because I think that God-shaped hole has not been filled with God. The lack of contentment, I believe, comes from not spending enough time with the One who created me. With that relationship needing time and energy, it's caused an imbalance that the old, sinful man-me wants to try and fill with material.

Only God can fill that God-shaped hole. Only God can satisfy. Only the One who created each and every one of us knows what will ful-fill our souls - and the answer is...envelope please... God Himself!!! So rather than go and watch TV or spend much more time blogging/online/sending email, I'm going to go and excercise and spend time talking with God about that hole that needs to be filled by HIM who lasts forever.

How about you?