You will keep in perfect peace
him whose mind is steadfast,
because he trusts in You.
Trust in the LORD forever,
for the LORD, the LORD
is the Rock eternal.
- Isaiah 26:3-4
This is one of those days where I just feel down, and have little to no reason to feel so. Maybe it's merely seasonal depression. Maybe it's that deep in my heart I feel like I don't love You enough, Lord. I sit here at the seminary, day after day, learning, reading, and I wonder why am I here?, and what am I doing this for?, and who am I really doing this for? Is this my personal existential crisis? I don't know, and am not sure. Deep down, I do believe that God loves me, and saved me. God saved me almost twenty-two years ago when He could've let me die. Sure His purposes for my salvation are ongoing. Why, I cannot truly say, except that there is great mystery woven into my story - mine and everyone elses. The salvation and love God has for us in Jesus Christ must effect more than just bringing about a positive attitude. I would just like to wake up, never ever again to feel the weight of the wil-o-the-wisp melancholy upon my being. Instead, I embrace for myself the joy of God's presence, that fellowship with our Triune God of grace. So I sit here, in the seminary library, writing these concluding thoughts, getting ready to translate parts of Matthew into English, bibliograph some books on Karl Barth and his Christology, read about Job and suffering and evil, and I really want to just meet with You, Lord God, a little longer.
Amen.
