heart check-ups

I'm in a self-reflective mood today. With my eldest daughter home sick today, I've been forced to be a 'servant'. "Forced" certainly gives you insight into my more unconscious feelings on the matter. I suppose I could have edited that sentence - cleaned it up - made it more "christian" sounding. But that would defeat the point; wouldn't it?

Maybe it's this season of transition I'm in, but I'm (seemingly) feeling more tempted to be self-focused. I'm feeling a need to focus on care of my self. I'm sure there's several bookcases worth of texts designed to make me feel good and guiltless about making sure I'm "happy" and "feeling" fulfilled. I neither need nor want what they have to peddle, however.

I don't really need to be "nurturing" my id, my ego, or my super-ego, for that matter. What I am in need of, however, is to check my heart at the door. I need a spiritual check-up. I need to repent of this 'All-American' ideal of getting to have my own way, of getting to be able to have the proverbial cake and eat it, too (though I do have a nice piece of cheesecake in the fridge!).

I need to check-in with my maker. The Maker. The One who created me, who knows the number of hairs on my head (even though that number seems to be changing daily!). I need to examine myself in light of, and in the light of, the Triune God of grace. My heart does not so often resemble the heart of God, as it is so often self-centered. I need to look at God and repent. I need to look at God, and look at who God calls me to be. I need to look at God, and embrace the transforming empowerment that God seeks to put to work within me.

It is too easy for me to dive into a book - something I will no doubt try to do shortly - rather than tackle chores, tasks, or things that just need to get done around the house. It's too easy to do what I want, rather than spend time being with or doing what my kids would like to do with me.

And yet, God is patient. And God is kind. I am reminded that God is not done with me yet. Because I would like to consider myself humble, I will not list some of the things I've done over this past week. Though in the end, they are nothing but filthy rags, should I seek to claim them as deductions from the LORD. The things I have done for others only have value before God as I do them out of love for others, not based on any level of satisfaction I get.

But this results in reading Scripture (more regularly), and finding (being led to find) opportunities to be like Jesus, to live like Jesus. But this is not merely a psychological treatment of Jesus as pure example. Rather, Jesus is who He calls us to be. And what's more, He makes that possible, through the presence and power of the Spirit of God, living, indwelling each individual believer, as well as in the greater corpus of the local church. We are without excuse.

God calls us to live lives that are radically oriented toward the Triune God, fleshed out through interactions with those inside and outside the church. We are to serve, not to seek out being servied. And all of this calls for regularly scheduled heart check-ups. We need to look into our hearts. We need to let the God who first called us to examine and reclaim us for His own service, a service to others, to the least of these. This is what's on my mind, and my heart, today.

But I have to go now. I need to clear out the dish washer, and load up the dirty dishes.

How about you? What's on your heart today?