maybe it's the weather...

I'm sitting here at my dining room table listening to some 80's hits on itunes, waiting up for my wife to finish her deadline at work. And I've found that I've gone through a wide variety of feelings, from melancholy to joy, from tears to frustration, and feeling up to feeling down. Maybe it's the weather. Maybe it's that I keep itunes on shuffle. Maybe I'm manic or bi-polar (no, I'm not making fun of anyone).

I've been in seminary for several years - my first four were part-time, and I'm about to finish up my first full-time year. And I have more questions about God than I ever thought possible. That's a good thing; I think. I've read more books in the last few years than the previous ten. I've been exposed to more people's thoughts and theologies about God than most people ever will (sort of a shame). Now itunes has shuffled to U2's Miracle Drug. Oh the irony; I think. I'm wrestling with how one should keep faith integrity in the Triune God of grace when one hears theory after theory and opinion after opinion concerning deconstructing Scripture, which text really came first, or that a passage was written into an earlier book to justify a particular action of violence or condemnation. So I'm wondering - itunes has shuffled again, this time to Michael Tait's Loss for Words - does anyone think that God is real, and that He actually played a part in leading, guiding, and at times kicking Israel's butt?

Tonight, as the song's title implies, I'm feeling a loss for words. I believe God is real. He is Almighty. Yes, I choose to use the male pronoun instead of a neutered pronoun - No, I don't think God is male, but I do use it because it's consistent with His revelation throughout Scripture. I accept the supernatural dynamics and details of the biblical witness. I believe in a God who loves us so much that He became incarnate - became a human - and lived among us, presented a visible image of the invisible God, and then died to reconcile us to God. And if that wasn't enough, He sent us His Spirit so that we might fully come into fellowship with Him. I believe God is mystery. Mystery. I believe God is good. I believe He came to the earth to save us to be His people, the Church, a living witness to His reality, His love, and call to others. I think that, for the most part, the Church screws up a lot. And there are times that I hate the Church (the local church, too), but I can't hate it for long because the Church is the bride of Christ.

So, I'm writing this more for myself, because either the weather, or some of the music that's played tonight, or some of the more tricky theories from seminary have me on an emotional roller coaster tonight. So I'm wondering what God thinks of all of this? Can't wait to find out.