my depression(s)

I like to look around at other blogs, to see (and read) what other bloggers are thinking about, consumed by, or sharing from the heart. Some are obviously interesting, while others are ... 'nuff said.

One such blogger had an entry that has caused some extra percolation in my heart/mind/soul that is me. The Real Live Preacher (www.reallivepreacher.com) had this entry concerning an article he read in the Christian Century by a fellow who talked about depression as 'brainstorming'. I've not read the original article because I wanted to consider this notion before I delved into someone else's ideas and opinions. But I have to say that this idea is fascinating, and in some ways, very encouraging.

I say that because I'm someone who struggles with what most people would probably consider as melancholy, or a mild form of depression. Now, I've not been clinically diagnosed, and I write this full-knowing that some who do struggle with this might possibly take offense at someone "using" the label. Not my point; not my intent. In reality, I probably struggle with the seasonal depression stuff, as well as with melacholy brought on by a nagging sense of fear/anxiety and lack of self-confidence mixed in with a ridiculous desire/need to be or do something really important in my short life. There it is. It's out there for all the world to know, see, read, and make fun of. May God love you and bump you if this describes you. Honestly, I'm enough in touch with my emotions/feelings/thoughts to not really care - does that mean I have self-confidence?

Back to my point - I read this blog by Real Live Preacher where the article described depression as 'brainstorming', and I think this is very intriguiging. Just off the cuff, I think there could be some serious merit to this idea. I mean, personally speaking, there have certainly been times where it is out of the depths of my sense of depression that I'm able to write some really good papers, or have some deeper insights. At the same time, there are dynamics to my depression that I don't like. I don't like the false messages that it feeds into my brain, my sense of self, that is so shattered. Perhaps depression is less 'brainstorming', and just a fight between the 'Me' who really is, and the 'Me' who really isn't? Perhaps depression is the deepest yearning within my soul for the new heaven and the new earth that I read about in Revelation, but struggle to see around me due to all of the sin that is meted out by so many.

In the mean while, I'm going to try and brain storm for a while. Please jot a message, and let me know what you think about this.